


Seeing Red

by dwtchg



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Chapter 53, Chapter 54, Crossdressing, Death, Disguise, M/M, Molestation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2413757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwtchg/pseuds/dwtchg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was only then Jean realized what he just said, what he just done. A mixture of emotions fled to his face, but the only one read by Armin was a look of apology and regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, darlings.  
> This is my very first fic I've ever written. I've had the inspiration to write this for a while but finally got the balls to write and put up. I do have two other chapters planned out, however, I won't be able to write them for another few days.
> 
> Please, comment on any errors or your thoughts on the fic if I even should continue or not
> 
> Any way, I hope you enjoy

Even thought he had watched the man move closer and closer to where he was tied to a chair, Armin still jumped at the light touch to his jaw; bringing his face to meet their captors. “Christa, was it,” the man smirked, leaning closer and closer to whisper into Armin’s, “It’s a waste that such a pretty young girl associating herself with the brutes in the survey corps.”

Armin felt his hot breath against the side of his face that made his blood run cold and tears form on is lashes. He wanted to scream, to fight, to do something to get this man as far away as possible, however, doing so would not only jeopardize their safety, but this entire mission. The only thing the blond could do was to keep his mouth shut, and to look to Jean, tied up opposite of him, for some kind of comfort. However, he only saw anger in his friend’s expression.

 

* * *

 It was just the previous night that Jean and Armin were ordered to disguise themselves as Eren and Historia in order to lure in the Central MP. Just the thought of this mission alone sent chills all over his body. But, knowing backing out or refusing to this task was not going to help ensure is best friends’ safety, he followed his orders and walked out into the town in a skirt and wig, walking along side the Jean, who was more than annoyed to be dressed as Eren for the second time.

Not even after fifteen minutes of walking around town, the central MP finally showed themselves hastily, driving through the group of survey corps members, snatching Armin and Jean from the crowd into their captor’s wagon, and riding off to a ware house outside the town.  Once there, the two were then bound to chairs, surrounded by a jungle of wooden crates, with the only light source from windows high above, where Captain Levi and his friends would enter from to save them. The two in disguise were left alone with a man with hunger in his eyes as soon as they landed on Armin.

* * *

 

The man had soon migrated behind Armin, placing his fit hand on his slender shoulders and began to rub down toward his chest. _This can’t be happening,_ the blond though, lowering his head in fear, _just a little bit longer, then Levi will show up._

The man’s hand worked its way over Armin’s chest, his heart skipping a beat as the man started to grope his non-existent breasts. He held his breath waiting for the worst to happen, only let it out in relief.

“A little on the flat side, aren't you” the man chuckled back into Armin’s ear. “So, how about it, let me hear your voice.”

The man wrapped his arms tighter around the blonds’ slender body. Armin raised his head out of shock, biting his lower lip to ensure that his boyish voice won’t be heard. The man leaned in closer and closer until he was practically suffocating in mans hot breath.

“Huh? How ‘bout it? It’s fine right.” The man kept chuckling into the blonds’ ear, never failing to give him goose bumps all over his body. Tears were creeping into Armin’s eyelashes, threatening to spill at any moment. The man’s hands started to move lower and lower down his body. “I wanna hear a cute girl’s voice, c’mon.”

 _Please, just get off of me_ , he thought, _not like this, he can’t find out._

“Stop! Let go!” Both Armin and the man looked to the direction of the yelling, only to see a very angry Jean. He was practically red with rage, trying to fight hit tight restraints.

“Why don’t you keep your mouth shut, Brat” The man told the taller male, and continued to work his hands down the smaller males’ body.

“I said Let go” Jean continued to yell, losing all control of his voice, not caring at this point if any of the other MP members heard him.

 _Calm down Jean,_ Armin thought, looking to the other. _This won’t help anyone, please._

“I said to shut the fuck up, boy.” The man yelled back, making Armin flinch at the volume. He turned his attention back to the smaller blond. Hands dangerously close to his thighs and lips now pressed into the exposed skin of Armin’s neck.

“GET OFF OF HIM” Jean screamed back, the other two froze, one out of shock and the other out of pure terror.

  _Jean,_ the blond thought frantically, _do you not realize what you just said, that you blew our cov-_

Armin’s thoughts were cut short when two more MP members barged into the room. “What’s with all the yelling in here” one of the new members inquired, to the man still wrapped around the small blond. “I thought you said you could keep them under control.”

The man, not paying mind to the other to MP members, stared at Jean, eyes widened and mouth ajar. “Did you just say ‘him’” the man asked the taller male.

 It was only then Jean realized what he just said, what he just done. A mixture of emotions fled to his face, but the only one read by Armin was a look of apology and regret.

It was then that Armin was finally released from the man’s arms, only to have him circle back in front of him, face to face, and to be held tightly by his jaw by the man’s fat hands. The man leaned in to inspect Armin’s face for any masculine features. “You sure don’t look it, if you are a boy.”

Armin felt a hand grabbing at the top of his head, one of the other MP members, and ripped the blond wig from on top of his head, watching as his own blond fell into his eyes. His heart was beating inhumanly fast at this point, he thought it may burst.

“Still looks like a girl to me” the third MP said with a laugh. “Check under the shirt.”

Armin’s already large eyes widened even more as he saw two hands reach the collar of his shirt. He wanted to scream, but he was frozen in fear as the hand yanked on the shirt. The sound of fabric ripping and buttons flying echoed in the room. All men in the room were silent at the sight of Armin’s bare chest, rising and falling with his hyperventilation.

The scream stuck in the blonds’ throat was released as a strong hand was grabbing a fist full of his own hair, pulling his head back.

“You think this is a joke, kid” The second MP shouted from his side. He motioned to Jean “And I assume your friend here isn't the real Eren.” Attention was brought to the other teen restrained in the other chair. Disappointed to see he was still frozen, trying to comprehend the situation.

Attention back on Armin, who was still trapped with is head back, could not see what would happen next.

The next thing he felt was the sharp edge of a blade at his neck; he caught and swallowed his next breath in his throat.

“Tell us where the real Eren and Christa are and maybe we’ll let you go free” the MP threatened “of course, leaving behind a finger or two.”

 _This can’t be happening,_ Armin finally able to think. The blond looked to Jean once more, for an answer or for comfort. However, he only found a face that hung in regret, not wanting to meet eyes. _Levi, Mikasa, where are you, I don’t know how much longer-_

He didn't know how long he had stayed silent, but his thoughts were cut short by the third MP. “He’s not talking” he said coldly and plainly, and gave a nod to the MP holding the dagger. The other nodded in return, then with a flick of the metallic object across the pale skin of his neck, the man let go of Armin's hair, letting the blond drop as much to the side as his restraints would let him. 

Armin’s heart gave one painfully last thud inside his chest before he felt the burning sting arise on his throat. The pain is still intense as he felt the warm trickle of his own blood, running down his body and a ringing in his ears. He tried to fight off the inevitable, struggling to will his lungs to keep breathing. But that was a pointless endeavor, as that tired him out rather quickly. His vision fading away as he felt his whole body rapidly became numb.

The last he was able to hear was his friend screaming his name.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings
> 
> This next chapter will continue right where the last one ended, except it will be in Jeans POV.
> 
> Any way, I hope you enjoy

Ten seconds.

If the captain and the others arrived ten seconds sooner, this could have been prevented. Armin could still be alive.

However, Jean knew they weren't to be blamed for this, and they shouldn't be blamed.

Within the ten second after he had just watched his friend getting murdered in front of him. Jean watched the metallic dagger penetrate his pale neck, slicing it open, spilling over, and staining his bare chest. He watched in horror as the blond fell over. Lifeless.

“Armin!”

Jean couldn’t pin point who was screaming, but he assumed it was him.

_I caused this,_ Jean thought. _This is my fault. GOD DAMN IT! Why couldn’t I keep my fucking mouth shut!?_

There was no more time to think, as the MP members were moving toward Jean, with the dagger, still dripping with Armin’s blood. A new set of fear started to sink in.

“I don’t suppose you’ll tell us where the real Eren and Christa are?” He couldn’t tell which of the men asked, as if it mattered. The man with the dagger already had the sharp object against his throat, ready to slice.

_This is a fitting death, right_ , Jean thought. _It’s what I deserve, for causing this fate on Armin._

Jean closed his eyes shut in anticipation, waiting to join his smaller friend in whatever heaven or hell that all await us all when we die. However, that reunion never came.

The next thing Jean heard was the breaking of glass, the attacks from Captain Levi and Mikasa, and the cries of pain from the three MP members. The fight was one-sided and short.

After dealing with and tying up the wounded the wounded MP members, the captain went to interrogate them. It was then that Connie rushed over to his petrified friend to untie him. “That was close, Jean, he had the knife right on you” Connie expressed. “A second later you would have been-”

“ARMIN!”

All words, thoughts, and sounds were cut off by Mikasa’s shriek of horror. Even Levi’s calm composure was phased at this sudden change in his subordinate’s mannerisms. All focus went to her.

“Armin. Armin. Please, do you hear me? Armin wake up” the raven haired girl cried, cradling her friends lifeless body on the other side of the room, not caring about the blood staining herself, with the other survey corps members watching in confusion and sadness. Jean watched silently in the background as this scene unfolded “Armin, please don’t leave us. Don’t go.”

Levi walked over to the mourning Mikasa and knelt down beside her. The girl recoiled away from the sudden intrusion, not wanting anything to get between her and her friend. He placed a calm hand on her shoulder, silently telling her that this was neither the time nor place. It was then Mikasa was able to breathe calmly.

“Someone, get a body bag” the captain ordered, backing away from the scene. Sasha was the one that left to fulfill this order, leaving the others dead silence, mourning the death of their friend and comrade. The once brilliant mind that had saved them countless times and the vibrant blue eyes that wanted to see the world, all gone. Mikasa brought up two fingers to close Armin’s eyes, and clung to him as if it was the only thing keeping her alive. It was only when Sasha had returned a few minutes later that she was forced away from Armin’s body. Everyone watched as the blond was stuffed into that undeserving bag.

_You didn’t deserve this, you of all people._ Jean tried to maintain what little calm exterior he had left; however, that broke while watching. He started to cry. _It should be me in there, not you._

It was Mikasa who first turned her attention to Jean. Striding quickly over to the male, the girls’ expressing had turned harsh, almost deadly. She grabbed Jean by the collar of his shirt to pull him closer to her face, forcing the two to meet eyes. “Tell me” the raven haired girl demanded of him. “What happened here? Why did this happen to him?”

After being dazed for a few seconds, Jean realized Mikasa was waiting for an answer. “I... uh…” _How could I possible face her now, not after what I just caused?_ Jean lowered his gaze to the ground bellow them.

“I said tell me” Mikasa persisted angrily, her grip in his collar tightening. “Why did Armin die?”

“Ackerman” Captain Levi gained her attention as he walked over to the pair, facing the raven haired girl. “Isn’t it obvious? His cover was blown, and the MP’s weren’t going to take shit from an imposter. We don’t have time for this.” Turning towards the taller male, the captain stared at Jean with his usual scow. “I’m sure Kirstein will be ready to tell us what happened after we make it back safely back to the hide out. By the looks of it, he doesn’t seem ready to relive anything right now.”

“Yes, sir” Mikasa said simply, releasing Jean from her clutches. Only then did he realize he had been holding his breath.

“Good” the captain sighed. “Now, get Arlert, get the horses and wagon, and let’s get the fuck out of here before we need another body bag.”

“Yes, sir” the company said in unison. Sasha and Connie went outside to ready the horses and wagons with the captain, leaving Mikasa and Jean to carry their friend, both putting up a strong façade. The girl at the head and the male at the feet, silently, they lifted and carried Armin. Once situated in the wagon, the two sat down side by side on the other.

“Let’s go” The raven haired girl demanded, in her usual, unemotional voice. Then they were off, exiting the ware house area and headed into deep into the forest, towards the hide out. The rise was bumpy, silent, and long.

Somewhere along the way, the sun sneaking behind distant mountains, threatening darkness, Jean had at least built up enough courage to look up at the Mikasa sitting next to him. She was working so hard to keep an unexpressive face; it may have worked for their friends, but Jean can see past this exterior. _Say something. Anything. She at least deserves an apology from a coward like me._

“Mikasa” He started weakly, “I-I’m-”

“Save it” Mikasa cut him off. “Wait until we’re back at the hide out, where we we’ll be safe”

Jean wasn’t going to argue with her. He simply looked ahead to where they were going; watching the trees fly by and the darkness settle in, eventually seeing their cabin hide out come in to view.

__I’m sorry. I’m a coward._ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey darlings
> 
> Sorry this chapter took longer than it should have, I was having a few computer problems.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this final chapter. Its going to now be told in Erens POV.

It was well after sun down when Eren heard the hooves of horses and wagon wheels approach the cabin hideout deep within the forest. The candles in the room were getting low and Historia was moping at the table. He had spent the past few hours worrying about his friends, in this dangerous mission. He practically flew from his seat at the sounds of their arrival.

Eren opened the door and fled to the main living room, followed by Historia, where Hange was looking over paperwork when Captain Levi entered through the front entrance, stone-faced as usual, gaining the brunettes attention.

“Captain Levi” Eren saluted, “How was the mission? Was it a success?” Levi for motioned for him to be at ease walking over to seat himself next to Hange, who was also inquiring about the missions details. Eren dropped his solute, “Where is everyone?”

It was then that Sasha and Connie walked in, sour expressions on their faces and eyes down cast, looking anywhere but to Eren. _What’s with those two,_ Eren thought _, did something happen?_

“The mission was a success” the Captain started plainly. “We were able to get the Reebs Corporation to cooperate with us. However-”

“That’s great.” Hange was jumping with excitement. “Now we can start planning are next moves with President Reebs and the corporation members.”

Then there was an uncomfortable silence, something still didn’t sit right with Eren. Even with Hange’s attitude about the results, there was still a solemn atmosphere in the room that can only mean that something had to have gone wrong. No one was saying anything. Eren was frantic.

“Where’s Mikasa, and Jean, and Armi-”

A loud thud came from the front door when it was slammed open by his imposter, walking in strangely backwards, caring a large object with help from Mikasa. The brunette could not tell what they were carrying, but he saw the expressions on their face; sour and avoiding Eren’s gaze, just like the rest, as they placed the mystery object on the table with care.

Eren had not realized his voice had risen until he was yelling in frustration. “What is that? What’s going on? Someone tell me!”

“Oi, brat” the captain called to get the taller brunettes attention. “You need to calm down. Have a seat.”

Eren did not want to calm down; they were all hiding something made him clench his fists until his knuckles turned white. He was ready to beat the answers out of every one. However, the brunette did as he was told, taking the chair opposite of his captain.

Captain Levi shifted positions, so that that he was facing his subordinate head on, eyes locked together, with no expression. “Armin Arlert has fulfilled his purpose and died heroically in the line of duty.”

The room spun, faster and faster as seconds went by. Every emotion hit Eren all at once in a pang of the heart. He could believe those words; he didn’t want to believe those words. “No” Eren said weakly. “That can’t be true. You’re just lying to me. This is a Joke right?”

Eren made up every excuse to not believe what he had just heard. _Armin was still alive_ , the brunette told himself. _It’s just a sick practical joke. He can’t be dead_.

Levi turned his head, causing Eren’s attention to focus on his comrades, gathered around the table, next to the object brought in by Mikasa and Jean.  To Eren, the room suddenly became a million degrees warmer as he rose from his seat and rushed over to what was lying on the table. As he approached it, he was able to see more clearly that it was a bag, a body bag.

The brunette lifted a hand to open it, however he hesitated. He was trembling in fear of what he was about to see.  He couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to find what was in that bag. However, the brunette swallowed down whatever fears he had, just to prove them wrong.  He reached down and opened the bag and felt the familiar pang in his heart.

Looking down, Eren saw his best friend, paler than usual, almost white like clean paper, with the exception of the scarlet wound on his neck and the dry liquid surrounding it.   _No. This can’t be_ , he thought in denial. _This has to be a dream, or my brain is tricking me._ Eren felt something rest on his shoulder. It was a hand, belonging to his sister.

“Eren,” She started, but he brushed her off, not allowing her to finish her thought. The brunette turned to find that Hange and Historia had also followed him to the table, hands to their mouths to prevent any emotion from showing.

“What happened to him?” Looking past everyone towards the captain, not realizing he was yelling.

“Lower your voice, brat,” Levi demanded. “We could have been followed here and we don’t want to make are position know.”

Eren wasn’t listening. He needed answer right now. Concluding that Levi was no help, he turned to his friend that was with Armin at every moment of this mission, to Jean. “Jean, you were with him when this happened, right? How- why did this happen to Armin?”

Jean wasn’t saying anything either. He wasn’t even looking at the brunette.

“He blew his cover” Levi stated plainly, rising from his seat. “The MP’s found out that Armin was pretending to be a girl, threatened him to divulge where the real Eren and Christa were, and then killing him when he refused to speak. Does that sound about right, Jean?”

“No.” All eyes were focused on Jean.

“What do you mean ‘no’ horse face.” Eren strode over to the taller male, grabbed him by the collar, and pushed him until his back met with the cabin wall. “What happened to my friend?”

“I think we’d all like to know what happened” Levi stated.

“I-” Jean started, swallowing down whatever emotion he was feeling, all eyes on him. “I don’t mean that he told about Eren’s and Historia’s whereabouts. Armin stayed silent up until the very end. What I mean was-,” A rush of shame returned to the taller males face, not want to say what he said next. “Armin didn’t blow his cover. It wasn’t my intention, but I blew his cover.”  

Silence. No one knew what to say or how to react with this new information. No one knew just how long the silence lasted, but after a while, it was finally broken with a loud smack. Jean was on the floor, cradling a newly bruised cheek and Eren standing above him, fist clenched.

“You bastard!” It was pointless by now to convince Eren to calm down. “How could you do something like that to Armin? He was my friend, asshole!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for any of it to happen.” Jean said still on the floor, looking up at the brunette. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean for it to happen. IT HAPPENED!” Eren knelt down over the taller teen on the floor to get in his face. “Saying sorry isn’t going to bring Armin back.”

“Eren,” he heard the captain call his name, not realizing Levi was right behind him, stopping the brunette from landing another punch. “That’s enough. Listen, I need to make my report to Erwin, after that, we need to leave. Understand.” Eren stood from where he was kneeling and nodded. “I’m sorry; we need to leave Armin behind.”

Eren looked back to the table holding up his lifeless friend. He had already guessed that much, still. “Can we bury him? He deserves that at least. ”

“Make it quick.” The captain said as he was walking out of the room, followed by Hange, leaving the young cadets alone.

* * *

 

Everyone was silent as Armin was placed in the sloppily made hole in the ground. They found a small forest clearing a few meters away from the cabin. The grass was already wet with dew and the flowers in full bloom.

Gathered around the small grave were Sasha, Connie, and Historia, who clung to each other, Jean, who was farther back than the others, and Eren and Mikasa, holding each other’s hands not wanting to let go. Nothing was said out loud.

_Hey, Armin,_ Eren thought, _I just wanted to say that everyone is proud of your bravery and your sacrifice and we are all going to miss you. It shouldn’t have ended like this._

The blond in the grave started to disappear slowly as dirt started to cover him. Eren’s grip on his sister tightened and her grip tightened along with his.

_Hey, have you meet up with your grandfather yet, and what about your parent? I bet they’re proud of you. You mentioned once that they were going outside the walls. Did they make it? What did they see?_

_From where you’re at, can you see outside the walls? Can you see the fields of sand, the continents of ice, and the rivers of fire? You have always dreamed of going beyond the walls to see everything that is outside._

_Can you see the ocean?_

Armin was completely buried. Everyone was slowly leaving the grave, and headed back to the cabin to get ready to leave. Eren and Mikasa stayed as long as they could, in silence, holding onto each other.

They didn’t know how long they stayed; however, eventually, Mikasa spoke up, weakly. “Eren, we have to go, now.”

Eren Looked up at his sister, into her stone cold eyes, looking to see if she was seriously asking him to leave his best friend, alone in this grave in the forest clearing. She was.

The brunette nodded and turned to walk away.

Eren looked down to his hand not being held by Mikasa to see the object he was squeezing. Something he almost forgot he was holding onto. Something he knew he needed to stay strong. It was a fabricated pair of wings that once was attached to a uniform jacket.


End file.
